“I’m just going to do one…..I probably won’t even like it, I just want to know how it feels” - 2017, signing up for Tarawera 100km
It is inevitable and expected with endurance sport that at some point things will turn ugly. I’m using this in the context of ultramarathon events when I’ve been on my feet for over 6 hours and everything is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and both physical and mental fatigue are taking their toll. Also referred to as the pain cave. I’m no stranger to the pain cave. I’ve completed a number of tough ultra races on both road and trail. This hasn’t made it any easier as all races bring different experiences and thus one of the weird and wonderful reasons we keep coming back for more!
My biggest challenge to date has been mastering the challenges that arise while running 100km. They are all a learning curve for us but none more frustrating than having to DNF (did not finish). My first DNF at this distance was last year at The Guzzler 100 in Brisbane, QLD. I let my hydration get out of hand and took myself out of the race at the 70km point. More about this later.
Fast forward to March 2020 and COVID-19 has thrown our training and race goals out the window. My plans to revisit the Guzzler 100 and redeem myself were put on hold. It did give me the chance to focus on aspects of my race that needed improvement, my mental strength, focus, hydration, nutrition etc. I had been happy with the physical training but felt my biggest letdown was mental toughness.
COVID restrictions meant race cancellations and postponements for the unforeseeable future and lots of time at home and reduced social interaction. To help fill this void my running group GoRun and coach Chris White were providing great online resources and webinars on all aspects of running. A particularly relevant session for me was the use of mindfulness and altering our mindset to overcome challenges in our training and everyday lives. Can you change a negative to a positive? I can’t run a sub 4 km….yet. Placing a ‘yet’ at the end of a sentence can change your way of thinking. Creating a growth mindset by believing we are capable of reaching our goals via learning and effort.
I hadn’t given a lot of thought to this in the past as I’ve been lucky enough to not get stuck in a ‘negative Nancy’ thought pattern, for example recognising the faults of a bad race and moving on quickly with a new goal, or not allowing my confidence to be thrown during a tough training session. It actually seemed quite black and white to me, or so I thought….
Back to the Guzzler 100. I had opted to DNF after suffering with dehydration and stomach issues, common ailments of endurance running. But was this just the final nail in the coffin as they say. What was happening in the lead up to this point? I went back and thought about all the things that were entering my mind. I was shocked to realise so many negative thoughts had compiled. Small, insignificant things, the weather and my clothes were annoying me, my watch battery getting low, the course that still lay ahead of me, night running, head torch life, the cold night. Of course there is always going to be doubts that enter our minds in a race like this and niggles that develop to add to the struggle but the big questions are – how big a hole was I going to dig myself into? Can we control our pain cave? Does it have to be that bad? And a final learning - I’ve always entered these races knowing the ‘ugly’ is part of the ride and accepting the uncomfortable is necessary. But giving it the front seat can be the end of your race.
I can't wait to embark on this adventure again, reinforced with the new learnings and silver linings from lockdown life!
Thanks Go Run Australia, Chris White and Natalie Moore for your help.
- Julia Gregory